I just returned from Dallas, where I went to pay my last respects to my big sister, Ruby Nell Carter Davis McKnight, who passed away peacefully with her family by her side on April 13th. She was buried in her customary elegant style thanks to her daughter, my niece Sondra, a nurse whom I cannot thank enough for taking such good care of Ruby after my sister’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis in 2011. Ruby beat COVID-19 twice (a miracle!!!!) and lived to see her 88th birthday on New Year’s Day. How is it that I have an 88-year-old sister? Because we share a father whose first wife is Ruby’s mother and last wife (my mother) is just a few years older than his daughter. He was 54 when I was born.
Despite Ruby living in Dallas, I had a close relationship with her and even lived with her my senior year in high school. My big brother, Kevin, had moved to Dallas when he was in the 8th grade but got homesick for his homies from our Windsor Hills neighborhood and returned to LA midway through the school year. He returned to Dallas for his senior year and I went to visit him during spring break. I had such a good time being in a new environment and hanging out with Sondra and her friends that I asked my mother if I could go to Dallas for my senior year and she said yes. Who knew the education I was in for from Ruby, who taught first graders?
Were it not for Ruby, a Golden Life Member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., I would have pledged another sorority and, in all honesty, been a different person. My Dallas family is one reason I wanted to work at the Dallas Morning News, where I was a sportswriter from 1989-91. When Sondra told me I could write a tribute to Ruby for the funeral program and that she would like for me to pin an African violet, the Delta’s official flower, on Ruby’s gown during the service, I gladly accepted both honors. Here’s what I wrote:
My Sister, Soror Ruby
The first time I remember meeting Ruby Nell was when she flew to Los Angeles in 1969 for our father’s funeral. When my big sister arrived at our house, I ran to the living room window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the airplane I thought had dropped her off in front of our home. I was only six and had a lot to learn. Over the years, I absorbed a great deal from Ruby, who helped shape me into the woman I am today.
When I lived with her during my senior year at South Oak Cliff High School, it was as if I attended a modern version of a finishing school for enlightened women. Full of style, class, grace, dignity, honor and independence, Ruby was a shining role model to me and really all those around her. Although I stood nearly a foot taller than Ruby, I always looked up to my big/little sis. Before I returned to LA for college, she made it clear that I was to pledge Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., and so I did as soon as I became eligible as a sophomore. I will forever treasure that sister-to-sister bond to Soror Ruby.
Ruby showed me what dedication and commitment truly mean whether it was through the time she devoted to her Lord, her church, her bridge club, her sorority, and, most of all, her family. I loved the close relationship she enjoyed with my mother, Lucille, the stepmother she called ‘Cille. My mother knew Ruby would always take good care of me and my brother, Kevin, when we moved to Dallas in successive years. It meant the world to me to have Ruby in the audience when I graduated from college because she had educated me far more than any textbooks ever could.
Thank you, Ruby, for everything you taught me simply by being you.
Even from afar, it was hard watching Alzheimer’s take its toll on my once vibrant, energetic sister. Because of Ruby, I volunteered at the 2019 Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Napa, which started and ended in Yountville Park. Participants carried flowers of various colors and wrote on the petals the names of the people for whom they were walking. As a volunteer, I helped assemble the flowers and organize the table where participants picked up their flowers. I selected an orange one and wrote Ruby’s name on it. I keep that flower in my office just behind the family photo from Sonda’s 1991 wedding above. The day I arrived home after attending Ruby’s funeral, I heard a noise in my office when I was in the hallway. I walked in the room to find the flower on the floor. This flower has not fallen down since I put it there nearly two years ago. Very odd! It was as if Ruby was letting me know that she’s still with me, and that’s comforting.
Kelly and Ruby at Delta event in Dallas in 1984, Ruby’s 80th birthday party in Dallas and USC graduation.
